Why it's okay to make fun of people with glasses: the inherent humor of "four-eyes"

♪South Pacific Island II - Gerhard Trede♪

  Some people think that it isn't okay to make fun of people for needing glasses. Many people think since they can't control it, it's off the table. However, there are three core reasons why this is sentiment is undeniably false.

My first piece of evidence is anecdotal, but nonetheless relevant. I know a lot of people who wear glasses: my brother, a few friends, etc. One thing that these people have in common is that they're not me, and therefore I am better at seeing than them, which is quite frankly embarrassing. Could you imagine? Jesus. Since they need glasses and I don't, I get to point out an objective fault in their function as a human being.

If no one can make fun of glasses, we would lose the one of the best insults in the English language: four-eyes. "Four-eyes" is the funniest shit I've ever heard. It beats any possible argument. "You've never had a girlfriend-" four-eyes; "you suck at melee-" four-eyes; "you're unlikeable-" what's that four-eyes? Yeah that's what I thought, dumbass can't even see. How did you fuck that up? Humans have a responsibility to keep this one going for as long as possible.

The last reason that the glasses-wearing community should be free game is my friend Vincent. This guy's glasses are thicker than the crust on his keyboard which is saying something. He is practically blind without them, yet he constantly loses them (idiot). He also plays pikachu in melee (idiot). If you wear glasses, he's on your side, so nothing else really matters.

So for the normal people in the world: go out and spread the good word.